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Cable Guy, The (1996) movie quotes:

"No i tahght you a lesson I can be your best friend or your enemy you prfer the ladder this concloudes our brodcast today Click."

"There's no such thing as free cable."

"Smell the smelling salt!"

"is this the jim carey movies that states the phrase Oh BIlly?"

"EE uuhh EEEE, squad 51 squad 51 man down, possible back injury. Dixie, were gonna need an IV in D5W with ringers lactate stats. Administer lidacane drip, prepare to defribulate...CLEAR"

"The arrangement of your major appliances and furniture was causing some noisy picks and humbars in your reception...i moved a few things, cleared it right out. Isnt it cool?"

"Its like when Spak had to fight Kirk on Star Trek. Best friends forced to do battel...duh duh de de de de de de de duh duh de de..."

"Alright lets see what you got white shadow...I think salomis open."

"HEY YOU GUYS PLAY HERE TOO...WEIRD I was just out and about, thought I'd see if anybody wanted to play some round ball"

"In a preparing your service I noticed you were previously wired across town at 1258 and a half Chestnut. Last week the billing was transfered to one (drill sounds) Robin Harris. Smells like heartbreak to me."

"Down, Down, Down, Red knights going down"

"I checked her out about a week ago...And I'm healthy as a horse......Not a drip! "

"She was a working girl, but she kinda liked you.... you might have been able to get a freebie!"

"You're sexy. What? You heard me."

"Perfered costomer my ass!"

"Well i was takin a wis thouhg u might of called."

"EHH ER EHHH...squade 51, squade 51...man down..posible back injury"

"I just wanna hang out:NO BIG DEAL!"

"somebody has to kill the babysitter"

"you mean illegal cable? who told you that? what is his name? I want it. you're offering me a bribe. what you have just done is illegal, and in this state, if convicted, you could be fined up to $5,000 or spend 6 months in a correctional facillally..."

"Dont dig to deep, you might get burned by the molten lava"

"Reality isnt father knows best anymore, its a kick in the face on a saturday night with a steal toe grip kodiak workboot, and a trip to the hospital bloodied and bashed...... for reconstructive surgury. But what dosent kill us makes us stronger right?"

"dry land is not a myth!"

"the password is... penis"

"k"

"No 'if's', 'ands', or 'buts' about it....well maybe some butts... BIG ONESSSS."

"Reality's not father knows best anymore... it's a kick in the face on a saturday night with a steel-toe kodiak work boot! "

"If we don't fight to the death...they will kill u both!"

"Whats the deal with the chicken man...have the eggs had a chance to hatch yet???"

"SAlT PEANUTSS SALT PEANUTSS"

"There are other little cable boys and girls out there that still have a chance!"

"Gotta warm up dont wanna pull a hemi.... You any good? Meet me under the boards youll find out..."

"I checked her out my self last week...and Im as healthy as a horse..Not a drip.."

"Would you like some jui-ce?"

"Its ok chip we all get a little lonely sometimes...Ya but I get really lonely I MEAN CMON LOOK AT ME!!!!"

"Haaaarddddd....Erection?? No but thanks for noticing"

"Don't dig too deep. You might get burned by the molten lava!"

"555-4329"

"CAAAAAAABLE GUUYYYYYYY!!"

"You don't understand Steven. Somebody has to kill the babysitter. I LOVE SIOBHAN"

"You'd better buckle up...I've had a few drinks. ha! I'm just jokin' with ya!"

"It apperes as if someone has takein the liberty of updateing your home entertianment system."

"The Password is Forskin|i cant say that to my mother| why she probably saw yours as a small child| well ewww gross stop it okay."

"Silence of the lambs..."

"if we dont fight to the death, jim, they will kill us both."

"if we dont fight to the death, jim, they will kill us both."

"down! down! down! red knight's goin' down!"

"Oh my god! Someone shot my brother! I think it was like, an asian gang or something. They were speaking something weird, it was like...... asian"

"1. I want a brother. You said I was gonna get a brother to play with! 2. Thats why I'm going to happy hour."

"1. I can't believe they got the floors clean after what happen here. 2. What happened? 1. They had a lot of cats..."

"I cannot listen to any of your instructions, for you are my sworn enemy, and i must fight u to the death."

"Steven, are you taking the pot?"

"beep* I was in the shower thought I heard the phone ring, that ever happen to you? Give me a call we'll talk about it."

"Don't worry about the tip but I've got one for you: stay away from Robin, she's taken."

"free cable is the ultimate aphrodesiac"

"I didn't do this to you, you did this to you. I can be your best friend or your worst enemy...you seem to prefer the latter."

"1: The secret passwaord it ...... NIPPLE!!!!2: nipple???? center"

"I don't know, but she looks pretty available to me. I'd strike while the iron is hot. He who hesitates, masturbates, know what I'm saying? "

"Hello Steven, you look RESTED!"

"Penis....peeeniiis... Vagina? YES!SHE GOT VAGINA! SHE GOT VAGINA!"

"cablo gubla"

"Well, then I guess I'm not the dirty one, JERK-OFF!!!"

"You mean illegal cable? Who told you that I want his name. You're offering me a bribe. What you have just done is illegal. And in this state if convicted, you could be fined up to a 5000 dollar penalty, or spend six months in a correctional faciiiiillity."

"My brother's a speach therapist- Sssso?"

"But but but we were eating and and i... we were talking and i made you scramby eggs!"

"Whoa, nice jump Thpider-Man!"

"Whoa, nice jump Spider-Man!"

"CABLUU GOOBLAAA!!!"

"Come back here so that i may brain thee!!"

"Chip - Uh ohhh!! Thteven'th called the Fuzz! Bad boyth, bad boyth - watchya gonna doooo?!"

"The password is...."

"Good morning, Mary Sunshine. And how are we today?"

"He who hesitates, masturbates."

"I know, it was Jerry Springers final thought last friday."

"You don't understand Steven. Somebody has to kill the babysitter."

"1)the password is.....im not quite sure how to say this you know that little thing (moves finger in a flapping motion)2) NO IM NOT SAYING THAT TO MY MOTHER 1) its just skin steven."

"WELL DONT DIG TO DEEP YOU MIGHT GET BURNED BY THE MOLTEN LAVA."

"oh i see you just want to chill out in front of the tub for a little while. YOU WERE NEVER THERE FOR ME WERE YOU MOTHER. YOU EXPECTED MIKE AND CAROL BRADY TO RAISE ME. I AM THE BASTARD SON OF CLAIR HUCKSTABLE. I LEARNED THE FACTS OF LIFE FROM WATCHING THE FACTS OF LIFE."

"I'm just jerkin' your chain!"

"Oh, so I'm the tardy one? Well maybe I shouldn't have come at all, JERKOFF!"

"The password is...nipples."

"1)Uh oh! Steven called the fuzz! Bad boys bad boys! Whatcha gonna DO?!"

"1)You know, my brother is a speech therapist. 2)Tho? 1)Never mind."

"1)No, no, no! Get down from there! Uh...we'll all go out together and uh...get a Heiniken! 2)Yeah! 3)I'm not thirsty anymore. "

"1)Look, I appriciate you helping me out with Robyn but you have to understand I have no room in my life for a new friend. 2)So...what are you trying to say? 1)I don't want to be your friend."

"1)But I didn't recieve any stolen goods! 2)(In his thoughts) Big screen TV...TV...TV... Deluxe Kareokee machine...chine..chine... Cream in his pants...ants...ants..."

"I got you a big screen TV, delux kareokee machine, and a stereo system that would make George Lucas cream in his pants!"

"1)Robyn on line 2. (picks up the phone) 2)Hey...I had fun last night. When can I get you on my couch again? 3)Well tonight's not so good. How about tomorrow?! 2)CHIP! 3)HAHAHAHAHA! I knew I'd get you on the phone that way!"

"Tonight, let's drop the bomb on that kareokee machine. No ifs ands or buts. Well, maybe a few butts. BIG ONES!!!"

"Oooooooh, shit."

"Hey, I was just blow drying my hair, thought I heard the phone rang...that ever happen to you? Anyways, call me, we'll talk about it."

"Hey Steven! I'm on a pay phone! Are you there? Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up...okay. We'll I'll call you back later."

"1)The password is...I'm not quite sure how to say this. (whispering inaudibly) You know that little thing... 2)NO!!! I'm not saying that to my mother! 1)It's just skin, Steven."

"The password is VAGINA!"

"The password is....nipple."

"1)Can you hang on a second. I have call waiting. Beep. Bah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah buh nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah...ahhh... 2)Knock it off! I know it's you. 1)Beep. Sorry about that. Where was I?"

"I can be your best friend or your worst enemy."

"Robin showed me the birthmark on her left shoulder. It's very sexy! "

"The red knight sucks the big one!! Red knights goin' down, down , down down red knights goin' down."

"1)Can I fetch you something from the barkeep? 2)Dost thus have thou a mug of ale for me and me mate? For he has been pitched in battle for a fortnight and has a king's thirst for the frosty brew, dost thou might have for thus. 1)I'll be right back my lord. 2)My thanks to ye, fair wench."

"(with lisp) you stupid son of a bitch!"

"The red knight sucks the big one! your goin down red knight! down down down, red knights goin down! down down down, red knights goin down!"

"Yeah Steven, Look oooouuuuut!!"

"But I made you scramby eggs?"

"I forgive you , I only hope my neurologist will feel the same"

"1) Could I get a knife and fork ? 2) There were no utensils in medievil times , hence there are no utensils AT medievil times . Would you like a refil on that pepsi ? 1) There were no utensils but there was pepsi ? 2) Dude , i gotta lot of tables"

"Dos thou have among thou a mug of ale for me and me mate ? He has been pitched in battle for a fortnight and his a king's thirst for the frosty brew thus thou might have for thus "

"Free cable is the ultimate aphrodesiac"

"1. my father was there, but he might as well have been away 2. sounds tuff. it isn't father knows best anymore. it's a kick in the face on a saturday night with a steel-toe grip codiac work boot,... a trip to the hospital, bloodied and bashed. reconstructive surgery....but what doesn't kill us makes up stronger, am i right? "

"1. my father was there, but he might as well have been away 2. sounds tuff. it isn't father knows best anymore. it's a kick in the face on a saturday night with a steel-toe codiac work boot,... a trip to the hospital, bloodied and bashed. reconstructive surgery....but what doesn't kill us makes up stronger, am i right? "

"CABLEGUY!!!!!!"

"The password is. . . . ."

"I am the bastard son of Claire Huxtabul."

"I just wanted to hang out. NO BIG DEAL!"

"How about a tequila?"

"That's gonna be a GOOD ONE!"

"Lickeress, 2 o'clock!"

"I've haqd a few drinks . You might want to buckle up "

"I don't hate you!"

"1. Center. Center! 2.Oh- um nipple?!"

"Don't get burned by the molten lava"

"Does this card go to your boss? NO, IT GOES TO ME. I'M A PERFECTIONITH, PERFECTTIONISSIST"

"Hey Rick, I never made a slam dunk before, thanks for the boost."

"1) When am I gonna gat a brother ? You said I was going to get a little brother to play with ! 2) Yeah well that's why mommy has to go to happy hour "

"1) Why are we up here ? What are you planning to do ? 2) I don't really have a plan as such . I'm pretty much going moment to moment here ."

"He think's you're the cat's pajamas"

"I cannot listen to any of your instructions . FOr you are my sworn enemy . ANd are about to meet your demise ."

"*where are we?*only the finest dining establishment in town!..open sesame!.......*Medevil Times?"

"Ok I'm going , taking off . (walks on the spot getting quieter) Seeya! .........Bye !"

".......and if your love is truly giving , it will come back 10-fold .* That's really insightful * I know , it was Jerry Springer's final thought on friday's show "

"Isn't it funny we ended up in this position ? Seriously ?"

"Dry land is not a Myth ! I've seeen it !!!! Kevin Costner :Water World . I don't know what all the fuss is bout , I saw that movie six times! It Rules !"

"Get on the friggan horse man, I dont think hes kidding."

"The problem with real life is that there is no danger music."

"Oh, nice jump spiderman."

"I'd strike while the iron is hot if I were you. He who hesitates, masturbates."

"Oh I see, were playing prision rules huh."

"This concludes our broadcast day. click."

"The future is now. Soon every american home will integrate their television, phone, and computer. You'll be able to visit the Louve on one channel and watch female mud wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home or play Mortal Kombat with a friend in Vietnam. There's no end to the possiblities."

"1: Where excatly are we going? 2: For a little ride on the information super highway."

"Stevey time to leavey!"

"I'll juice you up!"

"By the way you might want to put on a bathing suit because you'll be channel surfing in no time."

"suit yourself, no sweet of my sack."

"1: Wow the old McNear place, never thought they would get the floors clean after what happened here. 2: What happened? 1: They had a lot of cats."

"Just give me one hot minute!"

"Jesus, where is the cable guy already?"

"... Can I eat your skin?"

"oh my god, oh my god, my twin brothers been shot! i think it was an asian gang or something, this was this guy, he looked asian! he was speaking in another language, im pretty sure it was.....asian!"

"Come back here so that I may brain thee!"

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